Fleeting Moments...
I have been so busy lately, so stressed, so focused on me and what I need to get done, what I want to do, wondering when I will get a break, 20 minutes to myself to do whatever I want...and I feel SO guilty about it. I am actually tearing up as I write this.
Everyone has their problems, things they need to work on, things about themselves that they don't like, things that they don't let others see. For me some of those things are: being impatient, being quick to anger, being selfish & not realizing just how fleeting the moments in my life truly are. All those things are hard to admit, but all of them are true.
I go to bed some nights feeling so guilty about how the day went, about how I try to push my kids off 5 more minutes while I finish this task or that. How many times a day do I say "in a minute" or "just wait until I am done?" But how much longer will it be this way?
How much longer will Lucy be a baby? How much longer will they ask me to play with them? How much longer will they want me to hold them? How much longer will they tell me everything? How much longer will I get to rock Lucy to sleep and cuddle her baby face? How much longer will Lofton say "Night, I Love you" about 10 times a night before I am allowed to leave his room? How much longer will Lucy hang all over my leg as I try to get things done? How much longer will they all be best friends, doing everything together, needing each other? How much longer will they want me to tuck them in at night. How much longer will they be full of joy, wonder, love, innocence, excitement, silliness? How much longer will I have to be a good example, a Godly example of the kind of person they should be?
Not long.
How many nights have I gone to bed wondering if I am doing a good enough job, if my kids will grow up to be loving, kind, well rounded people who have a LOVE for God? How many nights have I cried, worrying about how fast they are growing up, how little time they are actually babies? How many nights have I cried about how the day went, about how I get so wrapped up in myself and what I am or am not getting done that I take it out on my babies? How many days I have fretted over all the things I am going to miss about these days to the point where I am actually MISSING these days?
Instead of complaining about these things, wishing things were this way or that...instead of worrying about them growing up, worrying about what I will miss...I need to hang on to them with both hands, hang on to all these moments, hang on to what all God has blessed me with...Hang on to God's promises...because soon these moments will be gone. Soon they will not be little, and I will wish with all my heart that I had this time back.
I need to hang on to all that and I need to Let go of all this worry & all my selfishness. I need to let go and give it all to God. Sometimes that is hard, I am a very controlling person, I like to be in control of my life. But it is driving me crazy trying it my way. And I am wasting my precious time worrying. So I am letting go....
It won't be easy, and I can't do it alone, that is why I am so happy I have a Savior who will take it, and love me, and give me wisdom and guidance and everything I could ever need.
